If you’re trying to butter me up, it’s not going to work. I cannot believe you couldn’t find someone else to blog for you. I don’t have time for this human bullshit.
Today is Friday the 13th. We hoped to enlist your expert opinion on the many superstitions of the day.
You fools, you do not consult an astrologer on Friday the 13th. It is even worse for you to consult me. But it’s too late, I’m already here. Listen closely to what I have to say. I’m only going to say this once, and I’m not going to answer any questions.
Most of your human superstitions are foolish nonsense based on an irrational belief about causes of actions or events. Did you ever step on a crack as a child? Did your mother suddenly develop excruciating back pain at that very moment? Of course not. You cannot break someone’s back by stepping on cracked concrete. No wonder so many humans seek out the Wiccan Haus for spiritual healing when they’ve been raised on such traumatizing fears.
Here are a couple more: Opening an umbrella in the house brings bad luck. Ha! Only to the person you just poked in the eye when you shot it open. Clothes worn inside out bring good luck. Did you feel lucky when you got made fun of at school or got reprimanded at work that day? I bet not. Washing a car will bring rain. Pul-ease. I might have some control over the weather. You humans do not. I don’t care how many times you wash your Honda.
On the other hand, there are very powerful superstitions that are overlooked and scoffed at every day. Evil spirits cannot harm you when you are standing in a circle. Why do you want to test this one? Evil spirits are not something to mess around with. Play it safe. Get in a circle. The wedding veil protects the bride from the evil eye. You made your partner wear a condom, right? Now get out that protection and wear it at the climatic event.
The recommendation for Friday the 13th is to get sleep or go out in nature. So, step away from the blog. Unplug from the electronics. And nurture your soul.
And by the goddesses, leave me alone, or you’ll be the unluckiest soul on this most unfortunate of days!